I Need Help...

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This is my call to help. I need help. I am asking for it. The only thing I can think of to do, to help myself, is to ask for the help I need and help whatever help comes my way to help me on my way. Make sense?

I am in Love. Although I am not there yet. I wake up in the morning and smile at the idea of another. The idea that they are out there and I will find them eventually. We find ourselves believing everything about spirituality, weather we really do or not, simply so we can cope. We cultivate ideas of 'someday' and 'when I am dead' in beautiful frameworks of reuniting bouquets praying that all we still dream of will someday come true. All that may be true. But what if it is not true? What if this is the only chance I get? To ask for help.

What if the whole thing is really just that? Nothing matters. But if you believe it to be true then it comes to be true, it becomes. So perhaps the subject is the belief. Belief governed by fear or love. Positive or negative. Ups and downs. What ifs, ifs and segways…

So I want to get it. I want to get it "this time" or "in this so called life". I want that dream. The one that always sits with all the other dreams filed as 50/50 or in some half full/empty glass of water.

The question, I guess, that I have is this; If I try for it although it seems like this life always gives opposites, to keep you guessing or equal or whatever the reason, are we ready to accept the seeming opposite? Are we asking the right questions is what I mean to say.

I'm just trying to figure this out. Again. Just like most of us. We have been playing around with making things show up by not wanting them, and making those other things seem to never come because it's always the first damn thought of the day. It might change over time but we all have 'what we want' somewhere, be it here and now or then and there.

How many of us are dreaming of something less than an inch away. One degree of separation that seems like its farther than pluto…or whatever is considered truly out of reach. One kind gesture from some one that can make it happen, they have that gift, but they don't even know it. They have not been told that they can help. They are busy dreaming of their dream. Stuck we all are. Until. One of us offers help. Sees in ones self the ability to make things happen for others. Others that will soar to heights unimagined by finding that ONE dream that is their very own. Providing that connection that perhaps many others could have filled but doing it before that dreamer asked for the help.

Should that helper be open to helping every other on this trip to find that dream that is only inches away…should not the whole world then help them acquire theirs? Perhaps that is my fault. Why I constantly want to help others in whatever direction they want to go. Always trying to get them to tell me what help it is they really need before they ask. Perhaps that is why we judge each other and never cease to push each other toward betterment…when the request was not yet there.

Anxiety over all of this happens to drown most of us. I feel I am on to something. A third truth. Something three deep here. Where I ask you, if asking is, what I should do. That way, when you are ready, you can help me. Until then, I am forever in your service. Do you understand? I am waiting to help you. Because I need help. I ask for it now. I love you for what you are capable of. I love you for who you are. Only thing I can think of that I love more, is that dream that has yet to come. My dream after yours…maybe even at the expense of. Sadly.

Perhaps I am afraid of that best case scenario coming. What would come after? Is there that happily ever after scenario if we are all physical bodies that die? Am I willing to trick myself because this is so beautiful? I cannot take my sight for granted because I need to see the way. I can't imagine it, in my minds eye, any other way.

But is this my way? I know this is some kind of path. I know I am here because I am typing this now, but where does the objects on the path, my body and the path itself begin and end? The lines are blurred as always when you look at them. The opposite of manifesting. Why in this world do the things we seek elude us and the things we do not want show up? Why do we travel through the sands of time, to this place in time, so that we can throw sand in our eyes and continually walk into walls? Help me help you help me?